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TAYLOR QUIZZED OVER MI5 LINKS

Conservative candidate and Hawkhurst FC player/chairman has been quizzed over previous links that he was rumoured to have had with MI5.

An over-enthusiastic BBC News reporter, Callan Davies, showed no signs of backing down as he asked about links with MI5, the head of MI5's anti-organized crime department, the Italian and Russian Mafia and even accused him of murdering the Director General of MI5 and Paul Clark in the explosion at the Labour Party's Gillingham HQ on Tuesday.

Mr. Davies, who has since been arrested and charged with theft, did not allow a sufficient gap between each question for Matt to answer, and it seemed all he wanted to do was to destroy Taylor's reputation.

But it was to no avail.  Recent opinion poll figures from Alan Collins show the Conservatives on 47% locally and 34% nationally with their closest rivals locally being Independent candidate, Gordon Bryan and the Monster Raving Loony Party nationally.

Taylor, Ben Cooley, Thom Anderson and Michael Howards campaign went with no hitches besides Mr. Davies' outburst.

*The Conservative Manifesto is available for viewing here.

TAYLOR FAVOURITE IN OPINION POLL

A recent opinion poll conducted by Alan Collins, Hawkhurst Park's Webmaster, has shown that 47% of the local population want Matthew Taylor to represent them regardless of the national results.

The results were helped by the unpopularity of Labour, and in particular Paul Clark's replacement, Phil Carlton, who was entered in the last moment on Tuesday.

On a wider-scale poll, also conducted by Mr. Collins, voters showed uncertainty in their choice.  The Conservatives are currently in the lead with one third of the vote, the Monster Raving Loony Party are second favorites with 24%.  The Liberal Democrats are fourth with 19% and Labour are only on 14%.  The BNP has 7% and the SNP has 2%.

Converted into seats, the Tories would have 300, other parties would have 292, the Lib Dems would have 54 and Labour would lose every seat they hold*, from Braintree and Bournemouth South to Knowsley South and Manchester City, the safest Labour seats.

Matthew Taylor refused to comment as he prepared for his delayed Medway tour with Thomas Anderson, Ben Cooley and Michael Howard, the Tory leader.

*Data from the BBC seat calculator found here.

EXPLOSION ROCKS TAYLOR ELECTION BID

Matthew Taylor's first election speech was cut short by a massive explosion at the Labour Party's Gillingham HQ just 80 yards behind him.

The explosion is believed to have killed current Gillingham MP, Paul Clark and and unconfirmed rumour has suggested that the Director General of MI5 was also inside at the time.

Matt Taylor was delivering a speech to the people of Twydall, who are predominantly Labour anyway, when the explosion happened causing mass panic and confusion.

And as people point the finger, one group admitted involvement, but they were later proved to be lying.  No one was seen around the scene at the time, but the local police have ruled out the possibility of a suicide bomber.

So while MI5 look to gain a new Director General, Matthew Taylor hopes that he will do a little better tomorrow when Conservative leader Michael Howard joins him during his tour of Medway.

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TAYLOR TO STAND FOR PARLIAMENT

Hawkhurst FC's player/chairman, Matthew Taylor, has made a brave move and is running for Parliament as the MP for Gillingham, it was announced today.

As the final candidates were announced, Hawkhurst released a press statement confirming he was to run for Parliament as the Conservative's representative to challenge the current Labour MP, Paul Clark.

But he will not be alone in his fight.  Thom Anderson (Chatham and Aylesford) and Ben Cooley (Rochester and Strood) will also be standing for the Conservatives in a bid to free the Medway Towns from the Labour rule.

The Tories need at least 180 seats off of Labour and the Lib Dems, and the Gillingham constituency is one of the closest battles in the Country according to the 2001 elections and recent opinion polls.

Hawkhurst Park promise to follow the progress of the trio who are being heralded as the "Three Musketeers" over the next few weeks and beyond when they are sat in Parliament!

DISASTROUS CRASH AROUND SUSPICIOUS CIRCUMSTANCES

A joint police/military investigation into the Hawkev plane crash has ruled that the plane was shot down is suspicious circumstances.

An investigation spokesman stated at a press conference that the soldier responsible was a "young impressionable who was nothing less than trigger happy" and that the shot should not have been fired due to the fact that "the AEF [Air Experience Flying] group had not been informed of the sudden no-fly zone operation."  The final ruling was that this was nothing more than a suspicious accident!

But conspiracy theorists are already on the prowl.  One theorist, who wished to remain anonymous, said that he believed "MI5 have already got many people inside the British Football Association as players, managers, refs and Chairmen - many of whom have been known to operate around Hawkhurst Football Club.  This was just another of their games!"

A Thames House spokesman flatly denied any such truths.

DISASTER

The Hawkhurst FC Lorry Pull became the scene of a disaster when a GROB 115, better known as a Tutor, crashed into the crowd whilst watching Hawkev.

The two-seater aircraft was fired at by paranoid Royal Engineers as it flew over their barracks, not knowing it was a no-fly zone.  When attempting to make a crash landing at Rochester Airport, it veered off course, skimmed the spectators and crashed 10 meters away from them.  59 people have died and a further 127 are believed to be injured.  The damage to Hawkhurst has been minimal, with the following exceptions:

Carl James - Goalkeeper - 19 - dead

Chuck Masterson - Manager - 41 - broken legs, believed to be unconscious

John Jones - Midfielder - 33 - broken leg and twisted spine

A joint police and military investigation is underway to uncover the full story.

MANSU NEXT TO FALL

Hawkhurst's French goalkeeper Pierre Mansu has picked up a knock in training and will miss the Nottingham Forest game tomorrow!

This will come as another major blow to the side in two days, with manager Chuck Masterson having to desperately find a loan keeper at short notice.  Mansu was added to the ever increasing list of injured players, including the other goalkeeper Carl James who was ruled out for the rest of the season after breaking his arm against Gillingham.

Chairman Matt Taylor was unavailable for comment on whether he would consider getting a third goalkeeper in case this happened again, but Masterson has drafted in Arsenal youth keeper Ben Cooley.  Due to the skill displayed in training earlier today, Mansu may find difficulty in getting back into a side where skill is the only importance in pressing for promotion.

GORDON INJURY RUINS TAYLOR'S PLANS

Hawkhurst's 19 year-old Welsh striker, Kyle Gordon, has ruined Chairman Matt Taylor's plans to take a backseat when he picked up an injury in training earlier today that will see him out of action for the rest of the season!

With Mark Hanson injured and Micky Johnson out on loan to Stockport County,  Manager Chuck Masterson recalled Taylor in a desperate attempt to catch up with Gillingham and secure a play-off place.  However, Taylor is likely to be in action for a long time as Johnson's loan contract was extended until the end of the season and Hanson's career still lies in jeopardy.

Speaking exclusively to Hawkhurst Park, Taylor said, "it is my duty to the club to continue playing.  The manager had the choice to play one man up front, or draft in a midfielder, but he decided this would be the best option considering the situation we are in and Nottingham Forest's predicted enthusiasm."

At fifth place and with only two points separating them from dropping out of the play-off zone, Hawkhurst desperately need points, and if another striker gets injured, they could be halted completely!

HAWKEV SPONSORED PRE-SEASON TOURNAMENT

Hawkhurst Chairman, Matt Taylor, has officially announced that he, and the Chairmen of 7 other clubs, have agreed to participate in a pre-season tournament sponsored by Hawkev.

Brighton & Hove Albion, Chatham Town, Crystal Palace, Gillingham, Hartlepool United Hawkhurst, Millwall and Norwich City have been in talks for some time, along with Hawkev, and a final agreement was made last night, including the fixtures.  Each club will play the others once, and the full fixtures are on site now.

LEAKY DEFENCE PLUGGED

Hawkhurst's manager, Chuck Masterson, exclusively revealed to us today that he has signed two 15 year-old defenders until the end of the season.

Ravens' lawyer claimed Ravens was nowhere near the Centre at the time, but 123 stunned visitors saw him and he is now facing sexual harassment charges and will not be given bail. Instead he will stand trial in one month while Masterson tries to fix his defensive nightmare.